A Brother’s Journey: From Sibling to Advocate

 

Transcript

Announcer (00:08): 

This is Curious Incident, a podcast for special needs families and your window into the world of special education. Special needs parenting can be challenging, and we want to make it easier by providing you with the resources you need to help your child. Let’s delve deep into the world of learning differently with your host, Special Education Attorney Adam Dayon. 

Adam Dayan (00:37): 

Welcome to the Curious Incident Podcast. Today’s guest brings a perspective that we haven’t explored very often on the Curious Incident Podcast, the perspective of a sibling. Jonah Ratner grew up in Richmond, Virginia, alongside his older brother, Ben, who has severe autism. Watching Ben’s journey through the special education system profoundly shaped Jonah’s life, influencing not only the person he became, but also the career he chose. From volunteering at Ben’s private school as a middle school student, to raising funds for the school through his bar mitzvah project, Jonah developed an early appreciation for the transformative impact that the right educational program can have on a child and an entire family. Today, Jonah is a paralegal here at the law offices of Adam Dayan while preparing to attend law school. Every day, he helps families navigate the special education process, bringing a level of empathy and understanding that comes from having lived many of the same experiences himself. 

(01:39): 

Outside of the firm, Jonah also works on WNBA broadcast with Versant Media and USA Sports, and serves as a private tutor. Experiences that have further shaped his appreciation for communication, teamwork, and the unique strengths every individual brings. In today’s conversation, we’ll explore what it was like growing up with a brother who has significant support needs, how that experience influenced Jonah’s outlook on life, and why it ultimately inspired him to dedicate his career to helping children and families access the education and opportunities they deserve. Jonah, welcome to the podcast. We’re so glad you’re here. 

Jonah Ratner (02:17): 

Thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to be here. 

Adam Dayan (02:20): 

Excited to have this conversation. So let’s jump in. Before we talk about your work today, I’d love to start at the beginning. You grew up in Richmond, Virginia with your older brother, Ben, who has severe autism. For those listening today, what was it like growing up as Ben’s younger brother, and what are some of your earliest memories of life together? 

Jonah Ratner (02:41): 

I mean, growing up with Ben was truly a unique experience. And what makes it so interesting is when you’re in it, you don’t realize, especially at a young age, how unique it is. When we grew up together, we had a lot of very typical memories, you know? We would have little dance parties in the basement. I mean, he loves music, but as I got older, I kind of realized more and more, like, this was very different than other siblings. 

Adam Dayan (03:07): 

How old would you say when you started realizing that? 

Jonah Ratner (03:10): 

Yeah, great question. I would say around, like, eight years old. So there was a good period of my life where I was still, you know, like a conscious human being, understanding what’s going on, but not necessarily processing that, like, my brother, you know, will need extra support going to the restroom, need extra support even getting to school, getting on the bus, having a paraprofessional, those kind of resources. But we still had very, very meaningful connections and experiences. 

Adam Dayan (03:39): 

You wanna talk about the dance parties? I 

Jonah Ratner (03:41): 

Was seen in a lot of children with severe special needs. There’s a lot of, like, flapping. There’s a lot of excitement. But I’ll tell you this. Children with severe special needs, they have the best laughs, and they have the best smiles. So he might not sing the lyrics, but you, he knows the melodies. He loves Katy Perry. So a lot of Katy Perry, a lot of firework being played, you know, and we would just run around the basement. A lot of, like, great, great memories to look back on. 

Adam Dayan (04:08): 

You could see the joy in him. 

Jonah Ratner (04:09): 

100%. It, it, it’s as clear as day, and it’s almost like, you know, as I grow older, as a young adult, you know, you kinda see as people enter the workforce, lose a little bit of that joy, but I, I never see him lose it. 

Adam Dayan (04:24): 

Nice. Every family develops its own sense of normality. Looking back now, were there experiences you thought were just typical growing up that you later realized were unique to having a sibling with significant support needs? 

Jonah Ratner (04:39): 

It kinda has ebbs and flows, right? Just as all human beings have very good months and very bad months, that kinda comes with children with autism as well. Or at least that’s how it came in my perspective. So there would definitely be times where I knew things were challenging, but there were oftentimes in which dinner time would be very, very short and he’d get up and he’d go, and one of my parents would have to look after him. And I was just like, “Oh, like, you know, a routine family dinner, not the biggest deal in the world.” I didn’t necessarily grow up having the most table manners, and I didn’t realize how important that was until, you know, I grew up a little more and went to college. 

Adam Dayan (05:20): 

You wanna just expand on that? Why was he quick to go off the table? 

Jonah Ratner (05:23): 

Maybe he needs the bathroom. Maybe he just doesn’t wanna be there. Maybe he just wants some string to play with or look at his iPad to listen to some music. But the thing is, like, he can’t say that. So we kinda have to follow him and follow his mannerisms where he’s looking or huge cues as to what he wants and why he needs it. 

Adam Dayan (05:44): 

That’s where I was going next. Ben is nonverbal. 

Jonah Ratner (05:47): 

Yes. 

Adam Dayan (05:47): 

Right? And so, as you said, you had to find other ways to understand his needs. And how did you communicate with him besides paying attention to his nonverbal cues? 

Jonah Ratner (05:59): 

Of course. So, I mean, as I’m sure a lot of parents know, there’s a lot of repetition involved until you kinda are able to figure it out. There’s a lot of, like, pointing, a lot of which do you prefer? Like, left or right? And then there’s the classic, like, oh, don’t just pick the first one, or don’t just pick the second one, so then you gotta flip the options around. But a lot, a lot, a lot of it is told through the eyes, just as you can really feel the emotional weight of someone when you’re speaking with them. When you look at them in the eyes, you can feel that pain, you can feel the joy. It’s the very same in all individuals. 

Adam Dayan (06:35): 

So I wanna go back to what we touched on before. You’re a paralegal at our firm. Mm-hmm. You are going to be pursuing a law degree. Mm-hmm. You’re passionate and committed to advocacy in this field. How has all of that made you a more empathetic advocate? 

Jonah Ratner (06:53): 

I think being able to understand where these parents’ heads are at allows me to really give that patience that I think sometimes people really require. The process of special education litigation is really grueling on the parent. There’s a lot of waiting. There’s a lot of uncertainty. And even though on our end, we feel very good about the case. When you don’t understand really what’s going on and you’re really fighting tooth and nail to get it, there’s a lot of anxiety that comes with that. So when I talk to the parents on the phone, particularly, I’m always happy to repeat myself, slow down, go over anything and everything they need, because these are the questions that really need delicacy when they’re being answered. 

Adam Dayan (07:39): 

Are there any moments when you’re in the office talking to a client and you have a flashback to something that happened with Ben that kind of guides you through that client interaction? 

Jonah Ratner (07:50): 

Of course. Especially when we have clients that, you know, are on behavior plans. I understand some parents might feel like there’s almost a stigma because it’s, it’s hard to understand why a child might act out in an aggressive manner. So whenever I read that in a file or I’m speaking to a parent about maybe a new incident, I always tell them that you’re not alone. Especially when I grew up, I only knew one other individual who had even remotely similar experience to me. And even with that, you know, especially as the levels of autism, like, quote unquote, progress from, like, level three, although there’s an understanding that the children are s – have severe needs, it’s not necessarily in the same way. But having that perspective to be like, “I understand this,” and, like, literally be able to, like, gone through that, I think is very valuable for specifically the patients that it requires. 

Adam Dayan (08:46): 

That’s great. And I know this is for our listeners, but I also feel like I’m getting to know you in a different way than I have over the last couple of years, and everything that you are saying is really beautiful. The term or the concept of special needs individual is so broad. Do you wanna be any more specific without sharing anything that’s too personal about Ben’s specific needs? 

Jonah Ratner (09:08): 

Yeah, sure. Well, one thing I know there can be a lot of parents that will relate to this. They hear your child has autism, and the immediate question is, “Well, what’s their special interest? What are, what are they amazing at?” And, you know, there are people that can really relate to that, but there are also a lot of families that unfortunately can’t, and my family’s one of them. So some of the way these special needs can really progress is unfortunately, like, violent, disruptive behaviors. My brother, at one point, had to get hospitalized. He was almost thrown in jail. They, like, strapped him down because it was very hard to control his aggression. And it, it, it’s not a testament to him. It’s not a testament to the parenting. It’s a testament to having so much going on in your head and in your body that you can’t communicate. 

(10:00): 

And I just want parents to know that it’s okay to be honest about everything that’s going on in your children’s specific needs. You’re not alone. There’s. And it, it’s hard, and I get it, but there should not be a stigma in talking about how your child might hit or your child might bite. These are, these are things that are more common than you might experience, and it’s really important to, when we’re advocating, capture the whole profile of the child. Because you might have that fear that someone might not accept them because of those needs, but there are schools, there are resources, there are advocates that have plenty, plenty of experience dealing with this that can get you the exact help you need. And I just don’t want parents to lose sight of advocating for the individual, and that encompasses the entirety of the individual. 

Adam Dayan (10:55): 

Right, because we, like the family, wanna get it right. Mm-hmm. We wanna make sure that once the child is placed in a specific setting, that it’s appropriate for them and able to meet their needs, the full extent of their needs. 

Jonah Ratner (11:09): 

Exactly. 

Speaker 1 (11:14): 

If you like what you are hearing, please let us know by subscribing to the Curious Incident Podcast, and letting other special needs parents know about it too. If you have thoughts, questions, comments, or would like to suggest ideas for a future episode, we’d love to hear it. So email your feedback to podcast@dionlawfirm.com. 

Adam Dayan (11:41): 

One thing that you shared with me in our earlier conversations was about your grandparents moving in with your family when you were younger. And I’d love if you could speak about that. 

Jonah Ratner (11:53): 

It’s really interesting. And as a preface, there were a lot of things, like, going back to your question about normalcy that I thought were necessarily normal that weren’t. So my brother was having a particularly hard time, I would say, in that adolescence, you know, like around puberty. And that’s also when we ended up having to go through litigation, but, you know, as he’s changing, he literally cannot express it. So my grandparents, I’m very grateful for this. They moved up from, uh, North Carolina up to Richmond, and they had a house nearby. 

Adam Dayan (12:27): 

How old has Ben when this happens? 

Jonah Ratner (12:29): 

So when he went through litigation around 11, 10 years old, in fourth grade, so they were there, around there to help support that transition to private school and a little earlier in public school. And yeah, they moved and they would really help, especially with the early morning preparations. Cooking, just help getting him from place to place. You know, there’s the classic issue of, uh, maybe the bus, the bus environment, especially the paraprofessional. And the public setting isn’t always the best. So just driving him to school and also giving me support. And I’m very, very grateful for that because I had a lot, a lot of love and nurture and attention that I think a lot of children in my shoes might not necessarily get, and I feel really grateful for it. 

Adam Dayan (13:09): 

Kudos to your grandparents. Are they still living? 

Jonah Ratner (13:12): 

Yes. Are 

Adam Dayan (13:12): 

They gonna be listening to this? 

Jonah Ratner (13:14): 

I hope so. 

Adam Dayan (13:15): 

Nice. Many siblings of children with disabilities experience feelings of guilt at different points in their lives, whether it’s guilt for receiving opportunities their sibling didn’t have, wanting attention from their parents, or even pursuing their own goals. Was that ever part of your experience? And if so, how did you work through those feelings? 

Jonah Ratner (13:35): 

That’s an excellent question. I feel really grateful. For some of those examples you listed, I actually, I don’t feel guilt, but I feel an internal sense of drive to use the gifts I had. I think of it almost like you’re never grateful that your nose is unclogged until it’s been clogged. So having that perspective of seeing an individual who cannot physically communicate or verbally communicate gives me that sense that I really need to use this gift that I think most people don’t really recognize is such a gift. Aside from that, what I feel guilty about is how I look towards things in the future. I get really worried and I feel guilty about that worry, so it’s almost worried guilt cycle, <laugh> for lack of better term, looking ahead about in the unfortunate circumstances when my parents might be gone and I’m, I have to be the, I guess, legal guardian of my brother, making those decisions, staying informed as much as I can in what’s going on, but also keeping my eye on the road for my own life. 

(14:38): 

But those worries will always be in the back of my mind, as well as future prospects of having children. It’s. I’d like to have children someday and thinking about the chance that they might have special needs. Not that I wouldn’t rise to the task, but seeing my parents have to put in so much effort every single day, and I’m so grateful for it. It, it’s just stressful to think about, and I feel guilty that I even feel that way because it’s kind of self-explanatory, right? I don’t wanna be thinking about why I’d be scared to raise a child with special needs and why I might be, although all the research doesn’t necessarily say it is genetic, I would. I’m led to believe there are a lot of genetic components in my personal understanding. Of course, I’m not a scientist. But so that, that fear is always in the back of my mind. 

(15:27): 

And although I think it’s re- reasonable, it makes me feel guilty for feeling that way in the first place. 

Adam Dayan (15:33): 

There’s a lot of layers here. There’s past, present, and future. There’s growing up with Ben and realizing the extent of his needs. There’s being his sibling now and helping those needs be met, and there’s the future, which is a big question mark, right? So understandable that that would cause stress. I wanna drill down a little bit further into your drive. There are lots of people who grow up with a special needs sibling, yet not everyone decides to dedicate their life to special needs advocacy. Where does that drive and commitment come from for you? 

Jonah Ratner (16:12): 

I think there’s a beautiful sense of irony in advocating for people that fundamentally cannot advocate for themselves. And that’s what really drives me. It’s a feeling I’ve always felt that it’s, it’s really hard to wrap your mind around justifying any other way. There are a lot of beautiful movements that have a lot of voices, and there is a lot of people that advocate very, very hard for children with special needs. But I think that can go overlooked because they fundamentally can’t represent themselves. It’s, it’s a lot easier to fight for yourself or fight for your own children, sibling than it, it might be to fight for a, a cause per se. But when the people that would be representing themselves fundamentally can’t, and maybe they’re not necessarily fully aware of the degree in which they might not get the support they need, it’s really important that there are people in those corners to be able to advocate for them. 

(17:10): 

And I also think about the gratitude I have for all the people in my own life that really, really supported my brother and continue to support my brother because there are a lot of children that don’t get those opportunities, and that’s where people like yourself and I can come in and really help pave the road to get them what they really deserve. 

Adam Dayan (17:29): 

Nice. When you were younger, while most kids your age were spending snow days at home, you often volunteered at Ben’s Private School giving you a firsthand look at what an appropriate educational environment could mean for students with significant disabilities. What drew you to those experiences and what did you learn from spending time with the students, teachers, and staff? 

Jonah Ratner (17:52): 

It was really just hearing my parents’ perspective. Growing up, like all children know is, “Oh, it’s a snow day. That’s awesome. I get the day off of school. I can go outside and drink some hot cocoa, but I don’t have to worry about school.” But then I would see how my parents would react to that. And I would also think about how other parents might be reacting that for children with special needs. And when these schools are closed, the, it really sends everything out of whack, because then you might have to take a day off of work. Then you might lose out on some of the money you need to put the food on the table for the kid. So it really creates a big predicament. And so when I had the opportunities to, when his school would be open but mine would be closed, I though, why not explore how his life is and really get that perspective at school and how it’s different from my own and how it’s similar and how I could be of use. 

(18:44): 

It was really nice because I would go in and I know how to play with my brother, but I would play with the other kids. And it was, it was really beautiful. And I just, I really learned the, the grit the caretakers have at the school. The drive to wake up every day, to educate, to repeat yourself. There’s a lot, a lot of grit and hustle, I think, that goes into it that really gets overlooked. And they’re the, they’re like the MVPs of it all. The people that are on the, the grounds that, you know, might have to sometimes even defend themselves to help protect a classroom. And it’s, it’s no shame on any child because they have their own needs, but the people that are equipped to professionally handle this, I think are often overlooked. And then from the children, they’re very smart. They just aren’t necessarily able to do a multiplication table, but they know how to get what they want. 

(19:39): 

And I think that is really beautiful. Uh, for example, this is my, one of my favorite stories. There was a child in my brother Ben’s classroom who didn’t really like to go to the gym. She really liked YouTube cartoons. She really liked to bounce on her yoga ball. But when it came time to the gym, she didn’t wanna go, but she didn’t really have a choice. Her educators would really prompt her. So her creative solution, “I’m just gonna lie on the floor. I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna lie on the floor and you’re gonna have to physically move me.” And that is an exhausting thing. You can’t deal with that battle, so she would get her way. Can’t just pick them up and drag them to the gym. So if you don’t wanna go to the gym, by all means, just sit on the floor. 

Adam Dayan (20:25): 

What ended up happening? 

Jonah Ratner (20:27): 

She would win. She won the battle and the war. <laugh> And of course, there’s value in getting exercise, but I just though it was a beautiful display of tactics, if anything. 

Speaker 1 (20:42): 

If you like what you are hearing, please let us know by subscribing to our podcast and letting others know about it too. If you have thoughts, questions, comments, or would like to suggest ideas for a future episode, we’d love to hear it. So email your feedback to podcast@dionlawfirm.com. 

Adam Dayan (21:05): 

For your bar mitzvah project, you chose to raise more than $2,000 worth of materials for Ben’s school. That’s an incredible commitment for someone that age. What inspired that decision? And what did giving back to a place that meant so much to your family teach you? 

Jonah Ratner (21:23): 

To answer backwards, it taught me to pay it forward. And I think everyone knows that, but it’s a lot better to really put your money where your mouth is and really practice what you preach. So I knew it was important to pay it forward, but actually doing it, it just felt incredible. It really taught me that, like, a lot of more people will rally around the cause. You just have to get it in front of them. And going back to what I was saying about why I’m so driven to special education and being able to advocate through the law, the people themselves can’t advocate for themselves. And so when most people are going through hardship, they, they get that on the front line. They might make a social media post. You could even make a GoFundMe or something like that. These children don’t necessarily have the awareness of what’s going on. 

(22:06): 

So being able to advocate on that sense was incredible. But then seeing how people will rally around that. I mean, I had, I mean, it’s middle school, but I had, like, 14-year-olds, 12-year-olds coming up to me like, “Wow, this is, like, really cool.” And they would wanna even be like, “Can I give you an extra pencil?” And I’m like, “Yeah, sure.” People would bring books. They would bring cool comics. They would bring. Even someone donated the old game system, and I would see, like, the kids play with it at the school, and I would go back and volunteer. And it, it was just beautiful to know that people do care, because I feel like special education can sometimes feel so isolating because it’s, can be difficult to find people who are going through the same thing you and your family might be going through. 

Adam Dayan (22:51): 

It’s clear that you get it from all angles. I mean, you understand it from the staff’s perspective and how hard they’re working. You understand it from the resources perspective, the materials that are needed to educate children from the legal perspective, having worked at our firm for a while, as well as from the child’s perspective and the parents’ perspective. And I just think it’s so amazing and impressive the various ways that you can look at this advocacy and the different layers and tools that you bring to your work. 

Jonah Ratner (23:28): 

Thank you. 

Adam Dayan (23:29): 

One of the defining moments in your family’s journey came when the school district took the position that Ben had reached a point where he was no longer capable of learning, which unfortunately is something that we hear often in our practice, right? School districts who believe that students have hit a ceiling. What was it like watching your parents refuse to accept that answer and fight for the education they believed Ben deserved? 

Jonah Ratner (23:57): 

I mean, it really just. I guess it taught me, like, the Ratner way. My parents are fighters. They also are lawyers, so they know what it takes. They know the level of grit and determination it takes. And they’re, they’re gonna fight for what they believe in and what, what they think they know they deserve by whatever means possible. And I just remember being so young, I was around nine at the time. I don’t, I, I don’t quite get the scope of, “Oh, there might be a hearing,” or, “Oh, there might be a settlement. That doesn’t make sense to me.” But hearing your brother can’t learn anymore and he’s 11. It even instills in me, it’s like, “What? Or what, what are we doing?” Like, even if that might be the case, which it, it, it wasn’t, and I don’t think it is for any, but just going in that route, why is it up to them to determine that? 

(24:46): 

And why is it up to them to say, “Well, if he’s at a ceiling, there’s nothing we should be doing.” ‘Cause it’s up to the Department of Education to provide the free, appropriate education for every child, and they just don’t want to. So seeing my parents refuse to really give that up really just taught me what it means to really be a part of our family, but also gave me that perspective that a lot of our clients, our families really feel at the same time. 

Adam Dayan (25:14): 

You wanna indulge me for a second? Of 

Jonah Ratner (25:15): 

Course. 

Adam Dayan (25:16): 

Close your eyes. Think about your parents when they were fighting so hard to challenge the school district and secure what they knew Ben was entitled to. Just try to remember a specific moment from childhood when you looked at them with admiration and they were just doing whatever it took to get Ben what he needed. 

Jonah Ratner (25:42): 

Man, I mean, it just makes me think of my mom more than anything. I love my dad. I talk to both my parents very often. They’re very much in my corner, but my mom, she’ll never give up no matter what. And seeing, like, the fire in her eyes, it’s just straight passion, and it’s, it, it’s trailblazing. It’s, “I’m not giving up. We are gonna get this.” And she would fight tooth and nail just to get my brother maybe 30 more minutes of, like, a speech therapy. And it, it wouldn’t matter. She’s not giving up. And to see someone work so hard and never, ever take her foot off the gas was just incredible. 

Adam Dayan (26:20): 

Wow. Way to go, mom. After your family secured Ben’s placement at the Faison school, you witnessed firsthand the difference that the right educational environment can make. Looking back, what changes did you see in Ben? And how did those changes reinforce your belief in what’s possible when children receive the support they truly need? 

Jonah Ratner (26:43): 

It’s really, like, a language explosion. And even for children like Ben who can’t speak, like, sentences, like, they still can have utterances. They can, they can point. They can speak through their eyes, as I was talking about earlier. And they really unlocked that. And having that private school understanding of what is a free and appropriate education for a child with severe needs and how to help them progress to adulthood is very, very different from how to, you know, educate me in the public school system, because I need to learn history. I need to learn my timetables, but what good is that gonna be to someone that needs adult assistance using the restroom? So seeing him be able to get more of a sense of independence was amazing. And being able to get that independence is really unlocked by being able to, in his own way, advocate for himself to. 

(27:36): 

There’s some examples. He loves sweets. But instead of calling everything cookies, he would diversify a little bit and say, “I want cookies,” or, “I want ice cream. I want cake, Oreos.” And getting those little specifics that just make him happier because earlier, before he would go to school, he could say he wants one thing and it’s not necessarily what he means. So really focusing on how to help the child advocate for themselves in the way they need in a really customizable way is something that I think is much rarer at a public school compared to a private placement. 

Adam Dayan (28:08): 

You have spoken with clients at our firm who can’t see that light. Mm-hmm. They are at the point of their journey where things are just not going well in the current environment. And it’s very difficult for them to picture how their children are going to develop when they’re in the right environment. And there are people listening right now who are at that stage too. They know something is wrong, but they cannot picture how their child’s potential will be fulfilled at an appropriate placement. What do you wanna say to those parents? 

Jonah Ratner (28:42): 

I mean, first of all, we understand, and it is an incredibly, incredibly stressful. So we, we empathize very, very much. The best thing I could say is, and as hard as it is to necessarily act on the same patience in which you give your child, it is very important to give to the system because pursuing litigation will give back to you. Just trust the process. It can be very, very daunting. It can be expensive. It can be very hard. But in the same way that you work with your child to understand, you know, what they want for dinner, we are working to help advocate for their needs and create a game plan for how we’re going to move forward. And so it’s hard to hear, but it’s really about patience because patience will pay off. 

Adam Dayan (29:29): 

Now picture these same parents driving around in their cars, listening to this episode, and in the backseat is a sibling of a child with special needs. What do you wanna say to those siblings? 

Jonah Ratner (29:42): 

That is a very great and heavy question. And I would say the most important thing is to take a beat and reflect. There’s a lot of things, especially as I get older, that when I look back on, I had no idea we’re impacted by having a child with special needs. I would, I would act out a lot over little things. I I would lose a game of like knockout and basketball and I, I would, I would cry. And I, and, and looking back on that, like maybe I was just like the most competitive kid ever, but I really think about around those times in my life really stemmed from some of the emotional turmoil I didn’t necessarily know I was experiencing by having some chaos in the household. So even just journaling, just taking the time to reflect on these experiences, it’s okay to understand that this is hard and you can still love your sibling just as much and still understand that they can make things difficult sometimes. 

Adam Dayan (30:38): 

Did you journal? Was that helpful for you? 

Jonah Ratner (30:41): 

I did not journal, and I wish I did. 

Adam Dayan (30:43): 

Okay. Was there anything that you did that helped you to cope with the emotional turmoil? 

Jonah Ratner (30:49): 

I was really, really lucky to have very, very supportive adults in my life that understood what was going on and the perspectives I had. But it’s a really hard thing to look at. Children or siblings with special needs, it’s a very, very niche area, so there’s not that many resources. So trying to reach out and find some and really just kind of diving in deep as to how some of these things make you feel and just recognizing these emotions, great place to start. 

Adam Dayan (31:17): 

Nice. After graduating Magna Cum Laude from NYU, you could have pursued any number of career paths. And we touched on this a little bit earlier. You chose to work at a special education law firm while preparing for law school. At what point did you realize that your family’s experiences weren’t just part of your past that were going to shape your future? 

Jonah Ratner (31:39): 

You know, I’m a undergrad in my last two semesters and everyone’s just talking about, oh, like, what’s your job gonna be? What’s your occupation? I know I’d wanted to go into law. I had done some, some advocacy sort of jobs in undergrad through NYU. And when I’m looking at their, their platform Handshake, there’s a lot and a lot, a lot of law firms looking for paralegals. And I knew I wanted to explore being a paralegal to get that hands-on experience. But as soon as I saw the law offices of Adam Dion in special education law, it was really a no-brainer. And then when I had my informational interview with Alyssa, I, I was really, really set. And so I prepared so hard for that interview. I was very, very excited about the opportunity because not only do I get to work in a field I really, really like, but I’m able to have opportunities to learn and advance my career that I don’t think I would necessarily have in other places. 

(32:37): 

And I get to speak to people and make a profound impact. So it’s really dual fold. I think I have a lot of opportunity here for growth and to really, really help people. 

Speaker 1 (32:49): 

If you like what you are hearing, please let us know by subscribing to the Curious Incident Podcast and letting other special needs parents know about it too. If you have thoughts, questions, comments, or would like to suggest ideas for a future episode, we’d love to hear it. So email your feedback to podcast@dionlawfirm.com. 

Adam Dayan (33:18): 

Is there anything you wanna say to people who are not affected by special needs in their own families, but are trying to figure out what career path to follow about why to consider special education law? 

Jonah Ratner (33:32): 

There are children that can’t advocate for themselves. And unfortunately, some of these children have parents that either can’t because they don’t want to, or they’re so busy, they don’t have time to advocate for them. And that’s where you can really step in and make a huge difference. Even if it’s just one child, one family’s life, they’ll be remembered forever. I mean, I’ll never forget Edna. I’ll never forget Elena. Like some of the people that really shaped my brother’s childhood that also shaped mine. I’ll never forget John. And I’ll never forget Candace and Delante either. And these are people that are still impacting my brother’s life that I am forever, forever grateful for. And I hope they just know that. When I speak to them, I, I, I still think that they feel incredibly fulfilled too, because behind every ounce of advocacy, there’s an equal amount of joy that comes from the child. 

(34:26): 

And you’re making an incredible impact when you work in a field like this. 

Adam Dayan (34:30): 

That’s incredibly moving, and I’m sure they’ll be very happy to hear how much of an impact they’ve had on your family’s life. So today, you are balancing several very different roles as a paralegal here at the firm, working on WNBA broadcasts with Versant Media and USA Sports, and as a private tutor. Each role requires a different style of communication and teamwork. How did growing up alongside Ben influence the way you connect with and understand others? 

Jonah Ratner (35:04): 

I think it really just emphasizes how unique each and every person is, each and every team is. Everyone’s gonna operate different, and it’s important to meet people on their level, but of course, having your boundaries so people can meet you at yours. But it’s really just about establishing a mutual barrier of where things lie. So when I work with the firm, I would say we have a medium-sized team. I work individually with the attorneys, with the other paralegals, with our awesome interns and operations. So there’s that level of individual communication, but also communicating on a team. Then when I, when I tutor, of course, it’s trying to instill some knowledge one-on-one with a child, but I also have to schedule individually with a parent, help them balance, okay, this is where the child might need a little more support in. This is what we’ve been working on. 

(35:56): 

And then working with the WNBA in the sports environment, there’s a lot of fast-paced communication, quick decision-making, heightened tensions because things are live and on air. And I think all of those experiences and my ability to navigate them very fluidly really stem from needing to be adaptive as a child to understand, “Hey, we need to quickly pivot here and just go with it, or make this decision here.” But the communication is at the heart of literally everything we do, whether it’s advocacy, whether it’s communicating about what graphic needs to be live on a broadcast or how to do two times four. <laugh> 

Adam Dayan (36:37): 

This is for the basketball fans out there, and I know you’re a big one. Are there any skills or lessons that you’ve derived from basketball, team sports, that you think are relevant to working in a law firm or in family dynamics where there’s a special needs child involved? 

Jonah Ratner (36:56): 

It’s a great question. I did not expect. And for those not watching, I have a huge smile on my face. <laugh> I would say it’s still about communication at the end of the day. In basketball, the best defenses are team defenses where all the players are saying where they’re gonna be at, who needs to recover where, pointing and speaking. And, and these are short, quick decisions they’re making. There’s a lot of yelling, there’s a lot of pointing, and it can almost be comparable to trying to communicate across boundaries with children with special needs. And even just with people you might not necessarily see eye to eye on finding that common ground. But also with any team sport, it’s about having shared goals. It’s about having a level of tenacity that everybody comes to the table with. But when everyone has a combined understanding of what the mission is and how they play a specific role in that part, it’s very helpful. 

(37:49): 

With our firm, for example, it’s very important to help tell the parents, “This is the role we play for you, and this is how you can help us.” We’ll draft a letter and you send the letter, uh, and that level of mutual communication of the parent sending back, “Oh, the DOE sent this. What should I do?” We are there to support you just as much as we can, but getting that level of communication back is really helpful, because at the end of the day, we’re a team as law offices of Adam Dayon, but also we bring you into the fold. We have to know what’s going on in your perspective. 

Adam Dayan (38:22): 

Oh, yeah. Love that. So to the extent we haven’t talked about this already, every day at the firm, you meet parents who are where your family once was, feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, and searching for answers, and you’re well acquainted with the panoply of emotions that come with this territory. Knowing what your family experienced, what do you most want those parents to understand as they begin advocating for their child? 

Jonah Ratner (38:53): 

I think it really just comes down to being able to understand that it, it is a long process, and none of this is gonna come with an immediate gratification, but having trust in us and, you know, our high success rate to get the same thing for you that we’ve gotten for so many other families, it’s just amazing. But it’s really hard to tell someone who’s been denied time and time again that we’re the place for you. You just have to, to trust it and have that patience. But that is really what it comes down to. We’re gonna fight tooth and nail for you. Our team has m – people with this exact experience, whether it be on the legal side or the familial side or both, to be able to give that level of care and support to get the case across the finish line. 

Adam Dayan (39:41): 

Jonah, if you could go back and speak to your younger self, the little brother growing up alongside Ben, what would you tell him about the journey ahead and everything your family would accomplish together? 

Jonah Ratner (39:54): 

I would say that it all works out. And this is, of course, people share this experience, but at the end of the day, it’s unique to each and every family. And although it’s gonna be very hard for people to understand exactly how this goes and how this has shaped your life, at the end of the day, a motivated and strong individual that knows how to navigate many different challenges. And the hardships that you might be facing now, although they’re incredibly hard and might instill some things that you’ll need to work through later, will also instill a lot, a lot, a lot of beauty and empathy and the ability to communicate and just wanting to help other people. 

Adam Dayan (40:37): 

Anything you wanna say to your parents? 

Jonah Ratner (40:39): 

I love you guys so much. I tell you this mom and dad, but man, I couldn’t ask for better parents. They’re just always in my corner. They’re always in Ben’s corner, and they’ll literally do anything for us, and I just couldn’t be more grateful if anything. But yeah, I appreciate them talking to me about random things, helping me through life. And I just think it’s really amazing how they’re able to be a parent to a, I guess, neurotypical child and a child with special needs and, and make it look almost effortless. And I know there is a ton of effort going in, but they just play both roles and wear both hats just so, so well. 

Adam Dayan (41:19): 

Mr. and Mrs. Ratner, you did a great job. I’m gonna bring us home. I’m gonna go back to what I said earlier. You have such a multidimensional perspective, which is impressive, and I admire the commitment and passion that you bring to your work every day. I know that you’re gonna be a fantastic lawyer. It’s really admirable, the bond that you have with your brother and the way that you continue supporting him. And I really appreciate your coming onto this show to talk about your experiences and give hope to parents and siblings out there who are struggling with similar circumstances. Thank 

Jonah Ratner (42:03): 

You so much. I’m just very happy for the opportunity to be able to advocate and work with the firm to be able to help people have the same experiences that I had. Great 

Adam Dayan (42:12): 

Job. Thanks so much for being here. 

Jonah Ratner (42:13): 

Thank you. 

Announcer (42:18): 

Thanks for listening to Curious Incident, a podcast for special needs families. Don’t forget to subscribe for a new episode every month. For more resources and helpful information, check out our website and blog at dionlawfirm.com. This podcast provides general information which is not intended to and does not constitute legal advice. You should not rely on this information for any purpose. For legal counsel, you should consult with an attorney to discuss your specific circumstances. Listening to this podcast does not create an attorney-client relationship between you and the law offices of Adam Dayon, PLLC. No attorney-client relationship is established unless a retainer agreement has been executed between the client and the law offices of Adam Dayan. This podcast may constitute attorney advertising. Prior results do not guarantee a similar outcome. Any guests featured or resources mentioned on this podcast are for information purposes and are not endorsed by the law offices of Adam Dayan, PLLC.