Academics and Beyond: Nurturing Children, Supporting Families

 

Transcript

ANNOUNCER:  This is Curious Incident, a podcast for special needs families, and your window into the world of special education. Special needs parenting can be challenging, and we want to make it easier by providing you with the resources you need to help your child. Stell deep into the world of learning differently with your host, special education attorney Adam Dayan.

ADAM:  I’m excited to present the next guest on the Curious Incident podcast, Jennifer Susser. Jennifer is the admissions head at West End Day School, an independent school for children with special needs on Manhattan’s Upper West Side. With almost three decades of experience, Jennifer has been working with children and families, addressing a broad range of issues in a variety of different settings. Prior to her work at West End Day School, Jennifer worked at the JBFCS Child Development Center, a therapeutic nursery program for children with special needs, working with young children and their families. Jennifer, welcome to the program.

JENNIFER:  Thank you. It’s good to be here.

ADAM:  Good to have you. Tell us a bit about your background and what led you to this work at West End Day School.

JENNIFER:  Well, I’ve been a clinical social worker now for, God, almost 30 years. I was working at a center-based special education preschool, helping a family find a kindergarten for their graduating student. I went and visited West End Day with this parent and was just blown away by this gem of a school, this school for really interesting kids, kids who had these social-emotional challenges that were really getting in the way of them meeting their full potential in a mainstream school. West End Day School was looking for a new admissions head and I was looking for a change, so it was a perfect match.

ADAM:  Amazing.

JENNIFER:  That’s good timing. Yes, it was.

ADAM:  Can you give us a brief overview of West End Day School and what types of students typically thrive at West End Day and what leads parents to your doors in the first place?

JENNIFER:  West End Day is a wonderful, interesting place in that we don’t have one specific student that we take, which is one of the things I love about it. There are many schools out there for kids with nonverbal learning disabilities, language-based learning disabilities, autism, those schools do specifically that work. We look at kids in a more broader fashion. So we do a lot for kids with anxiety, attention and focus issues, mild to moderate learning issues. We also know that mental health is something that is on everybody’s minds these days and people have been paying a lot of attention to that recently. But mental health has been a main focus at West End Day School since its inception 40 years ago. It’s something we’ve always focused on. We really pay attention to the feelings of our kids and understanding that all behavior has meaning and we work with our students to understand their own behavior. We know that schools can be very shaming for kids like ours and so we work very hard to help kids to not feel shame at school.

ADAM:  The behavior is communicating something and we need to pay attention to the behavior with some curiosity and try to figure out why is it happening, right?

JENNIFER:  Absolutely. I mean, that’s a main focus of what we do. While there are certain behaviors that we know we need to stop or change, our main focus is we really want to understand where this behavior is coming from. We know it means something. We know it’s telling us something. If we can understand what it’s trying to tell us, we can then work on that with the student which will then in turn stop the behavior.

ADAM:  Social emotional learning is clearly foundational with your program. Can you walk us through what it means for a school to really support children in this

JENNIFER:  realm? Social emotional learning is truly woven into every aspect of our program. It’s not just a class or a group that happens once or twice a week. It is a core part of what we do. We have a robust counseling program so we have five counselors for about 50 students just to give you a sense. We start each day with what we think of as sort of our welcome committee where our staff, counselors, administration is in our lobby welcoming our students into the building. We get a chance to get our eyes on them to see what they’re looking like coming in so that we can give our teachers a heads up. Johnny came in today looking very upset. It makes sense for you to check in on him first thing or a child comes in sharing some great news. We want to let the teacher know so that they can really celebrate that. There’s a lot of ways in which our teachers check in with their students on a regular basis throughout the day. So it’s really a part of what we do in every aspect.

ADAM:  If I’m understanding correctly, it’s also a way to help the child work that muscle of checking in with himself and trying to understand what are they feeling from one moment to the next?

JENNIFER:  Absolutely. So we may have a child come in and we notice something on their face or in their body language and we’ll say, hey, I noticed X, what’s going on? I don’t know. Well, let’s think about it. What happened on the way to school? Well, my brother yelled at me and then it starts to come out that way. So helping children to slow down, to take a look at themselves and to whip the help of a supportive adult start to understand what’s happening for them.

ADAM:  So you have these check in opportunities. You mentioned that it’s woven throughout the entire program. What sort of communication is happening among your staff between the therapists and the classroom teachers to ensure consistency and give the child that support throughout the entire day?

JENNIFER:  So we have regular team meetings where our teachers, therapists, administration, supervisors, everybody is meeting together to talk about the children. That happens on a regular basis. But our communication between counselors and teachers and speech and language pathologists, occupational therapists is all very organic as well. We check in with each other throughout the day. Our counselors are in and out of the classrooms regularly letting teachers know if they’ve gotten some information from a student that they had just met with, information that they’ve received from a parent who they just met with. So sharing that information in real time really makes a difference for the child within their day because not everything is just saved until a meeting a week later. It’s done in real time to support that child in that moment.

ADAM:  That must make a big difference.

JENNIFER:  It does. It really does.

ADAM:  What are the first steps you recommend for parents who are just beginning to realize their child may need more social emotional support?

JENNIFER:  I think the term social emotional support is so broad. Our number one first step is that we think it’s really important to listen to the parents, to really give the parents an opportunity to tell their story. They often have not had a moment to breathe and to really think through what has gone on. How did they get from A to B? How are they in this place where their child now needs something and they’re not sure how to get it for them? We often suggest a neuropsych evaluation. That evaluation will really give the parents some insight into what is going on with their child and where things are going awry. We also feel that counseling would be a good start for a child to really start to understand what’s getting in the way for them. Not just counseling for the child. We think it’s really important for parents to get some support at this time. Because we know how difficult that can be when something goes wrong with your child. It is a major, major effect on a family.

ADAM:  Everything else stops.

JENNIFER:  Exactly. I mean, what do I do? Where do I go? And we feel that parents getting the support they need around some of these challenging times is very, very important for us.

ADAM:  How do you explain to parents what it means to be at a school that prioritizes emotional and social development, not just academics?

JENNIFER:  Well we never shy away from academics. We know that kids are not always going to be able to access academics immediately. If a child is struggling and is somewhat dysregulated, is in an emotional state, they’re not going to be able to sit down and take in a math lesson. So we know that if we start with making the children feel safe, comfortable, seen, heard, understood that we are going to get much further with the academics in the long run. We know that our kids are bright, the academics are there, they will come. But again, it’s that making sure that the children feel that they are in a place where they are.

ANNOUNCER:  If you like what you’re hearing, please let us know by subscribing to the Curious Incident Podcast and letting other special needs parents know about it too. If you have thoughts, questions, comments, or would like to suggest ideas for a future episode, we’d love to hear it. So email your feedback to podcast@dayanlawfirm.com.

ADAM:  So, dysregulation is a topic that’s come up a bunch on this podcast. Several of our guests have spoken about it. And I’m wondering based on your experience, do you want to share any insight about what causes a child to become dysregulated? Because as you said, if they’re in that state, nothing’s going to get through, they’re not in a place where they’re available for learning.

JENNIFER:  Emulation can happen when a child gets flooded with feelings. If a child feels that they are being asked to do something that’s too hard, they’re going to get overwhelmed, they’re going to get dysregulated. If a child is feeling sad about something, they may get dysregulated. When a feeling happens and a child does not know how to appropriately manage that feeling, that’s when the dysregulation begins. And dysregulation can look different for every child. It could be not attending to a lesson or walking around the classroom or leaving the classroom or saying, I’m opting out, I can’t do this anymore. So it really stems from helping the child to understand what’s going on for them, slowing things down a little bit for them and having somebody there who can work through those feelings with them.

ADAM:  Do you want to give an example of how you teach the skills so that children are able to manage those feelings?

JENNIFER:  Sure. We will often with a student, if the student looks as if they are getting dysregulated, say, I’m not doing this, I can’t do this too hard, we will say, okay, hold on, let’s wait a second, we work with students on taking breaks. So we’ll say, you know what, let’s take a break. We are encouraging our students to take breaks throughout the day when they need them. They’re provided a lot of positive reinforcement when taking a break at school. So we will work with them to come outside of the classroom, talk with a grown up, draw, read, play with a fidget, whatever it is that’s going to help them to reregulate. We get tea with our students, our herbal tea budget is quite enormous these days. That’s a big piece of what we do of, again, it’s really teaching the students how to slow down.

ADAM:  Nice. West End Day offers individualized counseling tailored to each child. How do you determine what kind of support a child needs and how it should be delivered?

JENNIFER:  A psychodynamic model informs our counseling. We certainly look at behavior, but we are focused on the stressors for the child and understanding their behavior. As I stated earlier, we truly believe that all behavior has meaning. And when we’re determining the kind of counseling a student needs, we’re going to assess the student, we’re going to talk with the parents, we will talk with any outside providers to figure out the best place to start with the counseling. And that our counseling is also free flowing in a way that it can change over time. So we don’t say this child needs this specific work in the office with their counselor. It may be that they start that way, but then they need support in the classroom or some place else. And so it’s something that is always evolving as the student evolves.

ADAM:  When you say psychodynamic model, as opposed to what?

JENNIFER:  As opposed to a behavioral therapy. So as opposed to an ABA therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy, our psychodynamic model is more about it’s around play for the very young kids as they get a little bit older. Talk therapy, talking about what’s getting in the way, those kinds of things. So that’s the difference there.

ADAM:  Can you share some examples of how counseling might look different from one child to another?

JENNIFER:  Absolutely. One of the things I love about our counseling program is that we do it about a thousand different ways. So some kids may meet with their counselor in the office and do a play therapy in there or talk therapy in there. Some of our students may need support interacting with peers in the classroom. So their session may be during a social time or a free time in the classroom. We have kids who do their best talking when they’re playing basketball on our rooftop play area. That could be the session. I’ve seen lunch dates cooking. We have a school dog, which is extremely popular for some of our counseling sessions. The kids will come in and spend time with the dog. And you would be surprised at how much comes out when a kid is just petting a dog and talking. Some kids will take the dog for a walk because them moving provides them an opportunity to speak more freely. Our counselors are incredibly flexible on meeting the kids where they are and providing what they need in that moment.

ADAM:  I think we touched on this a little bit before, but if you want to elaborate, how do your counselors collaborate with teachers to ensure that social emotional support is seamlessly integrated into daily classroom life?

JENNIFER:  On top of our regular team meetings, our counselors run their own groups in the classrooms and they also spend time observing academics so they can see what gets in the way for their students both during academic times as well as social times.

ADAM:  You mentioned that West End Day doesn’t shy away from academic challenge. Why is it important to maintain that academic rigor even for students who are struggling emotionally?

JENNIFER:  Many of our students gain a lot of their self-esteem from academics. We have a school full of bright kids and for some of our students, their academics is where they shine. That’s where they feel best. Academics can also be very regulating for some of our students.

ADAM:  Meanwhile, that tide is turning with more attention being paid to social emotional learning and so much conversation around grit and resilience. There’s so many books, I think, have come out lately on those subjects. People are acknowledging that there’s self-esteem and skills to be gained from improving socially and emotionally. Maybe just want to speak to that. We know that kids get some self-esteem from academics. How do you nurture getting self-esteem from improvements in social emotional learning?

JENNIFER:  I think it’s really a balance and knowing each and every student. So we don’t just say across the board, oh, kids are going to get their self-esteem from academics, so let’s push academics. We’re going to say this particular student we know is really struggling with some social emotional challenges interacting with peers. While we’re going to work on that interaction with peers, we’re also going to give that student an opportunity to shine in their academics so that they have that to hold on to as well. While working on the piece, that’s a little bit more challenging for them.

ADAM:  How do small class sizes and individualized academic plans help build the child’s self-esteem?

JENNIFER:  Small classes and individualized academic plans help the students feel seen and heard. They really get the feeling that it’s not a one-size-fits-all. They build strong relationships with their counselors and teachers and they are aware that everybody is working together to help to support them. It’s very important to us that our students know that everyone is on the same page. They can ask teacher A, this question, they’re going to get the same answer. If they ask teacher B, their counselor, their parents are on the same page so that the kids really feel held in that way, that there isn’t a way they can wiggle out of something, which makes them feel safe at the end of the day, that they know everyone has eyes on them. Everybody is there to help and support them.

ADAM:  So Jennifer, without names, can you share a story or example of a student who is able to grow because of this balance of emotional and academic support?

JENNIFER:  Sure. We’ll call this student K. K came to our program really distrusting adults and schools and felt a lot of shame around their behavior. When she first started with us, she would sit in the classroom, put her head down, she would often get upset, she would leave the classroom, we would find her out in the hallway in a small space with her head and her hands crying through the work with her counselor who would normalize the feelings that she was having. She was able to start to ask for help. She was able to be a little bit more vulnerable in the classroom. During some academics, at the beginning, when she first started with us, if something was too hard, she would fall asleep. So we started to be able to, again, normalize the feelings of academic work being difficult, that she wasn’t the only one who was struggling with some of the academic work. She had a lot of shame around her academic levels. And she became what we call sort of a squat and whisper kid. So the teacher goes over, squats down to her level and whispers in her ear, hey, is there something you need help with there? Instead of announcing it in front of the class. This was a student who was really struggling and shamed quite a bit at her old school. So with that in place and the work with her counselors and the teachers really knowing how to support her, she started to open up a little bit more, to become more vulnerable, to ask questions in the class, to be able to raise her hand and say, I don’t understand, can someone help me? Which was a huge change from the beginning. There was also a lot of challenges with peers for her in her old school. And as herself as steam began to increase due to the support she was getting, she was able to make really meaningful friendships and has these wonderful friendships and regular play dates after school and on the weekends. That has been such an enormous change for her. Her parents also made really good use of the program as well. They too came from a place of feeling distrustful of school, administration, due to their previous experience. She was at a school that was just not the right fit for her. And the counselor really helped them see her in a way that wasn’t, again, shaming, which made a big difference for the parents. So they really were able to use that work to help how they saw their child at home as

ADAM:  well. It’s a wonderful anecdote and I’m really proud of Kay. And I think the parent piece is super fun.

ANNOUNCER:  If you like what you are hearing, please let us know by subscribing to our podcast and letting others know about it too. If you have thoughts, questions, comments, or would like to suggest ideas for a future episode, we’d love to hear it. So email your feedback to podcast@dayanlawfirm.com.

ADAM:  I just want to zero in on what you said about shame and we could probably spend a whole separate episode talking about that topic. But I’m wondering how do you tackle a child’s shame at Western day?

JENNIFER:  We do a lot in terms of not shaming them in the classroom. So for example, we don’t make kids apologize to somebody if they don’t want to apologize. We don’t announce in front of an entire class, what are you doing? You’re doing that wrong. We know that doesn’t work. We know that makes kids feel terrible. So we often give kids an out. We’ll say, hey, let’s take a walk for a second. I think something’s going on. I’d love to hear your take on it. We don’t walk in saying, what did you do? Why did you do this? We’ll say, I see something when a ride, tell me I want to hear what you have to say. So the idea of really putting them in a position where they have an opportunity to share what’s going on for them and not being told that they are bad, that they’re wrong, but starting at a place where we want to hear from them. So even if there is a behavior that we really need to tackle in that moment, the first thing you will hear anyone in our staff say, whether it’s teacher, counselor, head of school will come in and say, I see something happen. Tell me, I want to hear from your perspective. Tell me your side. What’s going on rather than, why did you do this? This was wrong, that kind of thing.

ADAM:  I see how that could help students not build more shame. Does it help them to chip away at shame that they’re coming into school with from previous experiences?

JENNIFER:  I think it does because I think they start to gain that self-esteem, which overrides the shame, if you will. So perhaps when they think back to their previous experience, they’re going to have some shame around that. But as we give them more positive experiences, and that positive self-esteem just builds on itself and goes from there.

ADAM:  It’s really interesting. So we were just talking about parent involvement. How do you bring families into the process at West End Day, and why is that family partnership so critical?

JENNIFER:  We bring parents in from the very beginning. We know that parents are the true experts on their kids, and they’re a tremendous resource for us. When I meet with parents initially, just to come see the school, I want to hear their experience. What they think is happening that have made things gone awry for their child. We start planning with the parents from the very beginning before school even starts. We’re talking with them about what they think their child might need, what their worries are. The child have any worries. Right now we have families whose students are starting with us in September, and we’re talking with them already. What kind of interactions do they need from us now? What’s going to make them feel comfortable coming in? Counsel may reach out to the family now. The teacher may reach out. If that’s deemed to be something that would be useful for the student.

ADAM:  Okay, so I’m wondering how you work with your families throughout the school year in terms of providing that counseling and support to the parents, which we’ve said is so important. I know you offer weekly counseling check-ins with families via Zoom. So maybe talk about what happens on those counseling sessions and how has that transformed the way you support parents, especially as they face their own challenges?

JENNIFER:  We have switched to Zoom mostly, although we love seeing our parents in person, and some of our parents do still come in person. We switch because it’s so much easier for parents to engage with us, and they’re much more accessible if they can take a half hour from their day at their desk versus having to take half a day off of work. We work with our families in any way that they deem appropriate. So some families really want to hear what is going on at school, what they need to do in order to support the child at school. Some families will be talking about the challenges that happen at home, and we’ll spend time with them on helping them with different strategies to use to support their child in the home. We will also work with families on the feelings that having a child with challenges brings up for them. And one of the nice things about our counseling is that the parents can really choose how they want to use it. So one parent might want to use it around, how do I get my child to do homework? Well another parent may be talking with their counselor about their childhood and what this brings up for them. So it really is meeting the parents where they are and providing them with what they need in order to feel supported.

ADAM:  Can we role play this for a minute? Sure. I’ll be the parent. Okay. You can be the counselor. Okay. So I inform you on one of these sessions that my child becomes dysregulated. And when he’s in that tantrum-y irrational state, there’s no talking to him. And usually it’s because he’s anxious about something. We don’t always know what. And he becomes fixated on a thing that’s clearly not the source of his anxiety. How can you as the school help me work with him on this?

JENNIFER:  I think we would start by understanding when the dysregulation started, what the parent thinks it’s truly about versus what the child is fixated on. We would talk with the parent about different strategies they can use in their home and also encourage the parents to lean on the school a little bit. So we will often say to a parent, tell your child that their counselor is going to check in with them as soon as they come in in the morning. They’re worried about the field trip next week. They will be meeting them at the front door and working with them around that. So we want to share the load that the parent carries. So we want to encourage them to use us in that way.

ADAM:  And it creates a continuous loop where they’re getting supported in school and they’re getting further supported at home. And sometimes concerns bleed over. Maybe the child is worried about something related to school when they’re at home or when they’re in school, they’re thinking about something that’s going to happen at home. And so if you have that communication going between parents and school, it’s a full circle of support regardless of what they’re feeling nervous about or where they’re feeling nervous about it.

JENNIFER:  Exactly. I mean, we will often in school, a child will say, I’m really worried because my cousin’s coming this weekend and they’re really mean to me. And we might say to the child, you know what? I’m really glad you told me that. Face it down and write your mom a note. Mom and dad. And we’ll say, you know, you want to write it, I’ll write it when you dictate it. Mom and dad, I want you to know so and so Johnny is very concerned about his cousin coming last time. He was mean to him. He wants to make sure you’re aware of that. So we’re really listening to the child, supporting the child, also letting the parent know what is on the child’s mind and then talking with the parent about that as well.

ADAM:  How do you support parents who may feel anxious, stuck or overwhelmed by what their child is going through?

JENNIFER:  It’s really about relationships for us. So we will listen to them, hear what they have to say, provide them that sharing the load of what’s going on for them at home. I think it’s been extremely useful for parents to be able to have a place to unload a little bit and to talk about the difficulties without feeling guilty about it, to say that things are really hard, that they’re not enjoying this when people say, oh, children, it’s just the best, isn’t everything great when it doesn’t feel great.

ANNOUNCER:  If you like what you are hearing, help please let us know by subscribing to the Curious Incident Podcast and letting other special needs parents know about it too. Give you a thoughts, questions, comments, or would like to suggest ideas for a future episode we’d love to hear it. So email your feedback to podcast@dayanlawfirm.com.

ADAM:  What pandemic and in the age of smartphones, what new emotional challenges are you seeing emerge in your student population?

JENNIFER:  We are seeing every new emotional challenge. I mean, it’s really a struggle. As a staff, we talk about the role that social media is playing, the access that kids have to all different kinds of information. Kids are exposed to so much, so much earlier. We talk about that regularly as a staff. We do a lot of training around that. We will address things with kids’ sexual terms that come up, commenting on something that YouTuber says at a much earlier age. So we really are taking it on head on, if you will. We certainly will set boundaries around something that a child might say or repeat in school, but at that same time, we will work with the students on trying to help them to understand what the stuff they’re seeing and hearing means and helping them to process that. We do a lot of work with parents around this. We know that kids are doing much less face-to-face play dates. Their engagement is all on gaming. They may be playing a video game together, but it seems to be all involving screens. So at school, we do a lot of board games. We bring out the board games and play. It’s shocking how little kids know about board games these days because they’re just not exposed to it in the way that I certainly was as a child. But we do a lot of that to help the kids to really learn how to interact with one another.

ADAM:  Yeah, I’m thinking about that. I will sit around on the weekend with my wife and kids playing board games and you just walk away from that with a feeling of calm and fulfillment that you don’t think happens when you spend an hour on social media or playing a game with some friends online, just a different satisfaction level.

JENNIFER:  Absolutely. And you really get to interact with another person face-to-face, looking in their eyes, laughing together, but being in that space together and sharing that. We do a lot of talk with our staff around technology in the classroom and how to limit the technology we use, but also using the technology that’s out there that can be very supportive for students at this time. Our focus really is always going to be on relationships and group learning.

ADAM:  I want to highlight another aspect of what you said about access to information. And as a parent myself, I feel this pressure tremendously knowing that my children are going to access things on YouTube or elsewhere. And if I don’t speak with them about certain topics first, they’re going to get it from some other source that is unreliable or concerning for some other reason. So I really do. I feel this pressure to have important conversations with my kids early so that they’re hearing it from my wife and me rather than simply sales.

JENNIFER:  Absolutely. And we think that is extremely important for parents to be aware and on top of that and making sure that kids are getting the information from a trusted adult. We also encourage parents to get involved with their kids online, if you will. So what I mean is sitting with them while they’re playing roadblocks, playing roadblocks with them, watching the YouTuber that they love as painful as that can be as a parent, you want to get a lens into what your child is looking at. You know they’re going to see stuff that you don’t want them to see. You want to know what that is. So getting them comfortable with you sitting with them and looking at that stuff with them.

ADAM:  So I imagine it’s not just about being aware of what they’re watching, but it’s also having the opportunity to intervene in some way. And if they’re watching something that features someone doing something inappropriate, the parent having a chance to say something about it. But do you agree? I mean, how does the school train on that part?

JENNIFER:  We absolutely agree with that. Our students will also bring up all of this stuff in class. And our older classes have something called advisory group where we are sitting in a circle with the class talking about uncomfortable topics. So kids bringing up things they’ve seen. They’re saying things that are wildly inappropriate, sexual, whatever it is. And we’re talking about, do you know what that means? We’re going to tell you what that means. And when they often hear what it means, they can’t believe it and are mortified that they’ve you know said that or something they’ve seen. So we’re really facing it head on and letting kids know what’s appropriate, what’s not appropriate. We’ll talk with parents about what their kids are viewing to check their phones, to talk with them at home about what’s inappropriate as well.

ADAM:  This is so important. Yeah. I know I don’t have to tell you I’m preaching to the choir. But as adults, so many of us don’t know or have forgotten how to have uncomfortable conversations with each other. And I think it’s the source. I’m not going to get on a soapbox. But I think it’s the source of a lot of problems that we’re having today. And what you’re doing is training children from a very young age about addressing hard, uncomfortable topics head on.

JENNIFER:  Yes, we feel very strongly that our children learn how to express their opinions appropriately, learn how to tolerate someone else’s opinion that’s different from their own. And to be able to feel comfortable asking questions, asking things that they see something and don’t understand that. And they know that in our program, we will answer any of their questions. We will talk with them about now. Certainly we’re going to let the parents know what’s coming up, what they’re bringing up, but that we’re not going to say, oh, no, no, we don’t talk about that here. We may not talk about that in the classroom, but we will certainly talk with the student about these things that are coming up because we think it’s really important that they feel comfortable and have a place to ask these questions because of everything that they’re exposed to.

ADAM:  Beautifully said. School anxiety is such a common starting point. What are some ways you help kids and their parents feel more at ease and supported in the school environment?

JENNIFER:  The support really starts from the very beginning. So we have a school dog, as I mentioned. So sometimes a student who won’t want to come in or is anxious to come even to the school visit will say, you know, do you like dogs? I have the dog in my office. You can’t imagine what that opens up for students who will come in and are thrilled to be able to engage with an animal. And we start to get information out of them in that way. And I think as I stated earlier, we give kids an opportunity to take breaks. We give them an out for things if they need that, taking walks, teaching them how to take breaks if they are feeling anxious. We do it as grownups all the time. Scroll through Instagram for a few minutes. Get a cup of coffee. So we’re normalizing the idea of needing to take a minute before you can go back and do the work you’re supposed to do.

ADAM:  I’ve heard you say we really try to get it right from the start. What does that process of getting to know families look like at the admissions stage?

JENNIFER:  I mean, we really start with listening, more listening, more understanding, more compassion, and then back to more listening. It’s really giving the family an opportunity to tell their story and to be heard. I think parents often come to us having been told by so many people, different people. This is what’s wrong. That’s what’s wrong. Your child did this. You’re doing well here and really being able to listen to the parents and give them a place to really start their story. We find that doing that from the very beginning really builds that relationship and giving them the time they need to share that.

ADAM:  I know in some cases parents have been told inaccurate information. Maybe nothing’s wrong or he or she is doing fine. They’re doing fine. You must be refreshing for them to come to your door and really be listened to because they’ve become so accustomed to people telling them that what they’re seeing or thinking or feeling is not correct.

JENNIFER:  Absolutely. I think you’re absolutely right that a lot of families are told this is nothing. It’s not a big deal or this is a huge deal and you really need to worry. I think it’s that giving them the opportunity to share their experience. What are their thoughts? I mean often the first thing I’ll ask parents is what do you think is going on? How do you understand this? As I stated earlier, they are the experts on their children. They are a huge resource for us to get information and often in some places really an untapped resource and we don’t want that piece to get lost. It’s so important.

ADAM:  How does West End Day Taylor School visits and the admissions experience for children who may feel anxious or overwhelmed by traditional tours or interviews?

JENNIFER:  Our visits are incredibly individualized. So when I am inviting a student in for a visit, I will talk with the family about what makes the most sense for this student, meaning is there a specific subject they love? So if a student loves STEM, I’ll have them visit during a STEM class. Parent might say they’re really not so great in the morning. Can they visit later in the day? We’ll schedule something later in the day. Is there an activity they like to do? Do they need to be with their parent for a good part of the visit? If so, we can make that happen. Are they a kid that does better that needs to separate immediately? So those are the things we’ll ask even before the visit and we will try and set that up in a way that is going to make the child comfortable and the parent comfortable. We really want our families to feel comfortable from the moment they walk in our door.

ADAM:  Before we wrap up, what do you want parents to know, especially those who are still unsure if West End Day might be the right fit for their child?

JENNIFER:  I would encourage parents to come see us, to call me. Call me. I will talk with you. I will tell you all about our school. Please come see us. We are such a unique special place. And we love nothing more than to have you come through our doors and experience the magic of West End Day school. If the family chooses to get involved with us and have them meet our child, we will work with them throughout the entire process. So I don’t have letters that I send out to families saying yes or no. If we meet your child, we will talk with you about what we’ve observed, what we think we can help with, what we think we can’t help with. If we think it’s a good fit, we will obviously let you know. And if we don’t think it’s a good fit, we will work with you to find other places that might be more appropriate match.

ADAM:  I’m sure that we’ll be very encouraging to families knowing that even if your program is not the right environment for their child, you will help them find an environment that is appropriate. Jennifer, I want to thank you so much for this great conversation about social emotional learning. It’s clear that you’re doing great things at West End Day school, shaping amazing, wonderful students, and I really appreciate your coming on in.

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